BetrayStories

The 4 AM Routes He Forgot to Delete From His Phone

4 min read · Anonymous · Premium

4 min read · Premium

I found the truth at 4:11 in the morning, with a colicky newborn on my shoulder and a phone in my free hand that wasn't even supposed to be mine.

The weeks after our daughter was born had a color to them, and the color was gray. Everyone had warned me about the exhaustion, the leaking, the way time would stop meaning anything. Nobody warned me about the flatness. I'd hold this perfect, furious little person and wait to feel the thing the cards promised, and mostly I felt like I was watching my own life from the bottom of a pool. The doctor had a word for it. Postpartum depression. She'd said it kindly, written something on a pad, told me to lean on my support system.

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